Life of Pi...Loving myself.

I can for whatever reason never think of just one thing to blog about. There are always two.

Today, I am struck by the poignancy of two things--but both are about blurred lines between fact and fiction. Two days ago, I finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. The book was so very endearing. It blended the lines between lunacy and sanity, fact and fiction, and by the end of the novel, I was completely in love with the idea that a boy could really survive in the Pacific Ocean sharing a lifeboat with a Bengal Tiger.

Last night--in a moment far more real as far as my actual experience of it, I was sitting in my living room with the Monday Night girls, of which there were six, and we were sharing something negative about ourselves that we'd like to change. Not a detail--like, 'I want to be thinner,' but a character issue--like to be less self-centered, less negative, more respectful, etc. Three of the six girls said, "I would like to quit being so negative about myself. I am always putting myself down and thinking horrible things about myself." Their honesty was deep and genuine--to the point that one girl nearly had herself in tears sharing about how horribly she thinks about herself sometimes.

My girls have come to believe lies about themselves--they have replaced the truth of their beauty and worth with something far more destructive, and they are believing the fiction they have been fed. Blurred lines, fact and fiction...where is the truth?

Advil and Details.

My mind is entrenched in details. Thursday is the Annual Arlington YD Fund Raising Banquet, where our goal is to raise $20,000 for Arlington YD's ministry this year. I am very much anticipating this event, because it will be great to introduce new faces to our ministry and share with them. I am also tense and nervous because there are so many details that seem rather unfinished and unravelled--like, of the 32 people I personally invited to sit at my table at the banquet, I have four coming! Ack! The whole process is plagued with details and hi's and low's and disappointments...

But praise God that he is in the midst of it. $10,000 has been committed already in leadership gifts by a few of our biggest donors...and one of my teenage girls who is very nervous about getting up to share a bit of her story with over a hundred adults. Pray for Bronco and I to have stamina this week, for protection and good health for all who are to attend the event, and for the students who will be helping in serving, specifically with the one who will be sharing.

The world smells like...

Today, the world smells like chlorine. Because I spent most of last evening, upside-down in a swimming pool, where Adam was teaching me to do this. I have not yet mastered it--but I came very, very close. Upon completing said feat, I will have completed 2 of my 142 life goals: learning how to roll a kayak, and learning how to make good hummus (I didn't learn how to make hummus while in the swimming pool. This event is, in fact, completely unrelated to kayak rolling.)

In the midst of battle.

If we were at war, I would be sitting on a stump in the middle of the field, my spear at my side, looking a bit downcast and tired, just wanting to be back in my living room with a steaming cup of chai.

I'm not quite sure how I can get a full night's sleep and be just as tired as I was when I crawled into bed. But I'm sure there are a few reasons. Here are some things that I ask you to take time to pray for today:

*We found out yesterday that my Grandpa Casey has bladder cancer. This is his second occurrence of cancer in two years (he had lung cancer in winter 03). It is treatable via very odd means--i.e. filling the bladder with Tuberculosis to kill the virus?

*One of my girls is consistently passing me notes after Monday Night Bible Study to tell me how horrible her life is. They seem like cries for help. Last night, her note read "I don't feel like living anymore." I don't think she's at a place where she will hurt herself, but she is certainly discouraged.

*One of my most consistent girls is moving out of Arlington. She won't transfer from Arlington High School, but she will probably not be a consistent Monday Night attendee anymore. I am discouraged, because after six months of being a believer, she still has not integrated into a church home--and she seems discouraged by this move.

*Our banquet is in ten days, and we still need to secure underwriting for all of the tables--which is about $2000-3000 left to raise. Also, our table hosts are getting discouraged because they are not getting great responses in the filling of their tables. Our goal is 20 tables with 8 people at each, which would be 160 people.

*I am exhausted and worried that because I am so exhausted, I will be too sick or too tired to do well at all of the tasks I have before me this week. I don't want Satan to have an in-roads to deterring me from fulfilling God's purposes for encouraging those I minister to this week, or seeking out the resources for this banquet.

I am in the midst of battle, sitting on my stump in the middle of the field, spear in hand, knowing what it is that needs to be done and praying for the energy to do it.

Denouement...no...wait...

Mom and Dad have come and gone. Yay and Boo. A good time was had by all--600 miles was had put on my Odometer, my fridge is chocked full of leftovers, and mom and dad have successfully been introduced to life in Arlington. They have seen the high school, my church, the skate park, and the espresso stands, and they have met Bronco, Jo, Mark, Cindy, Corrie, Dawn, Greg, Esther, Sam, Adam, Sarah, Nathan, Rona, Jasmine, Ivy, Elly, Bethany, and many, many more of my Arlington and YD friends.

By Day 2 of their visit, I was dead. Not because they were running me ragged, but because after 8 weeks of being gone every single day, I stopped and relaxed. This immediately resulted in wanting to sleep for three days, which did not happen.

The Denouement is in sight though--after March 10th (The Arlington YD Fund Raising Banquet) and April 1-4 (Bob's Island Getaway), things will be relatively 'normal' for awhile, in that I can return to normal weekly student ministry without a big program to plan on the side. Without wishing the next five weeks away--I am very much relishing April 5th with a sigh of relief.

Terrie and Gary visit the PNW!

Mom and Dad are coming to Washington tomorrow! And I am oh-so-very-excited. They are going to stay with me in my apartment, and we are going to have a smashingly good time. We are going to go here and here and here and here and here and here.

seeing the world through song.

Friday night, I took two teenage girls, along with my friends Sam and Esther, to see John VanDeusen, Micah Kelley, and Late Tuesday in concert. This is the second time I've seen John perform in two weeks, and I'm going to go with Sam to Bellingham to see him again in 2 weeks at Upfest. I am always impressed with this kid--he's 17, and he writes and sings like a young like a young Ben Folds, or (according to Sam) Brandon Boyd of Incubus. I actually can't think of anyone substantial to compare him with--other than to say, he has significantly more of an edge than John Mayer, rock piano potential like Ben Folds, and lots of depth to his lyrics while still being comprehensible.

Just seeing John perform and talking with him after his concerts, I realize, I really am a musician at heart so much. I am realizing this--like I forgot it or something. Maybe it's because during Lent, I am fasting from my CD's and my iTunes and I find myself singing outloud all the time in the car and at home to fill that space. Maybe it's because I wrote my first song with guitar accompaniment, inspired by the "Barrista Boy" at Starbuck's. Maybe it's because John and I can stand there and quote "Spinal Tap" to each other, ("No man, but this amp goes to eleven!") Maybe it's because I'm excited that mom, dad and I will be going to Jazz Alley in Seattle on Thursday to see Billy Preston perform in an intimate Jazz Club...maybe it's because I'm the daughter of a world-famous Rock Photographer...maybe it's because one of my best friends interns at RCA in NYC and tells me about great singers and then the next week they appear on The O.C., and I immediately go to iTunes and download the single!

I am a musician--the kind of musician that isn't a great musician, a great songwriter, or a great vocalist, but can tell when someone else is. Wait--does that mean I should be a rock critic? I'm now thinking of Almost Famous. I could do that.

P.S. Did I just set a world record for most links in one blog entry?

Little Bits of Nothing.

Would you believe me if I told you that youth ministry is easy?

There are days when I don't know if I would believe that either--but today is one of them. What makes it easy--well, you pretty much have to be yourself all of the time--because if you're anything BUT yourself, the kids see you as a fakie anyways...

And--the things that make the biggest difference to the kids aren't that big of a deal to you.

Like--one of my girls sprained her leg really bad on Sunday. On Tuesday, I dropped by for fifteen minutes, where we talked about her saxophone section in band and her four cats. When I saw her yesterday, she was so excited that I had come to visit.

Yesterday at youth group, I was playing pool with these three junior high girls that consistently dress and act like their best friend just died (what I mean by playing pool is that I was actually interrupting their game by using a broomstick as a Cue stick and using the colored balls as the cue balls, which annoyed them greatly. Didn't I say that Rule #1 is to always be yourself?!) Anyways, I asked the girls if next week before youth group, they would like to meet me downtown for coffee and then I'd bring them to youth group. They made it sound like I was asking them to be my special guests of honor at the Inaugural Ball to crown me Queen of the Universe...later, they insisted they would be returning to youth group every week just to see me.

Today, one of my girls has her final home game for Freshman Basketball. When I told her I'd be there a little after four, she squealed and almost knocked me over. Good thing she doesn't know that I'm pretty much the worst Basketball player ever.

I'm really convinced that these things aren't very significant--in the sense that they don't take much of my time or energy, and they're rather simple and spontaneous...but these little bits of nothing seem to really matter to the kids. I'm excited about that--excited that the most important part of my job really boils down to being real, being consistent, and being available. Isn't that what life's all about anyways?

antarcti-office-ca.

If you were wondering how temperate the Pacific Northwest is in the winter, it really is fairly warm, you know--maybe in the high 40's during the day.

But--if it should just so happen that your heater stops working in your office, the 48 degrees outside with sunshine, compared to the 48 degrees at your desk becomes a bit inconvenient.

Every so often I stop to rub my hands together. I'm pretty sure my body thinks I'm attempting hibernation.

4:07pm

*Ring Ring, Ring Ring*
jamie: hello?
heather: hello is jamie there?
jamie: this is her.
heather: hi! it's heather! what's up? how was your weekend?
jamie: it was good. how was yours?
heather: great! am I going to see you at Bible study tonight?
jamie: oh, are we having it tonight?
heather: yes, why wouldn't we be?
jamie: oh, because it's valentine's day and all.
heather: (to self: valentine's day?! since when is valentine's day a national holiday? since when do we have to cancel our lives because hallmark and hershey's got together and created a national day of dividing the world into two distinct categories of 'people in love' and 'people who are not currently in love but feel forced to spend a whole day despising people who are because of a deep-hearted insecurity that they are, in fact, un-loved? and NOW, they have successfully convinced my high school girls that they either have to spend their entire DAY pining or swooning over some silly high school crush which has little or nothing to do with love anyways. geesh. ')
heather: (to jamie) yes of course we are! i even made a cheesecake from SCRATCH just for you because it's valentine's day!
jamie: cool! see ya!