Monday, July 30, 2007

People I've Googled, Volume 1

Have you ever Googled your loved ones? It's an interesting can discover that your boyfriend is listed on the National Swine Registry and your dad is a Nascar driver! Here are some of my favorite Google finds for Volume 1 of a series titled, "People I've Googled."

Please take the time to vote for Volume 1 Person with the best imposter Identity...I vote for Sean Baker, co-creator of "Greg the Bunny." Volume 1 Person with the best real identity is Rachael Glassford, hands down...a rather impressive Google resume.

Clay Utley.
Status: Boyfriend.

Real Clay Utley:
Guys and Dolls Cast List -- ACU
Palo Verde Church
Vonnie's Blog
The Tucson Weekly -- Review

Imposter Clay Utleys:
Henry Clay Utley, born April 16, 1878
National Swine Registry, Paul Clay Utley II

Gary and Terrie Baker
Status: Parents

Real Gary and Terrie Baker:
IGA Retailer of the Year-IGA
IGA Retailer of the Year - Times Reporter
Bakers IGA Homepage
Gary Baker, Famous Rock Photographer

Imposter Gary Bakers:
Singer, Songwriter Gary Baker
Gary Baker, Nascar Driver
Gary Baker, Native American
Gary Baker, Sports Hypnotherapist

Imposter Terrie Bakers:
Terrie Baker, Tulsa Real Estate Agent
Terrie Baker, Elementary School Teacher

Adria Lambert
Status: Friend

Real Adria Lambert:
Live Interview with Famous Barista
Finalist for Bible Quizzing, 1998
Lead Team, Mosaic Nashville

Imposter Adria Lambert:
Jalessa De'adria Lambert , Class of 2006, Westside HS, Augusta Georgia
(Sorry, Adria. There are no interesting Adria Lambert imposters. You are one of a kind.)

Sean Baker
Status: Brother

Real Sean Baker:
Cast of Laughterhouse 5. And he really did ballet.
Coshocton High School swim team
Calvin Swim Team

Imposter Sean Bakers:
Sean Baker, soldier at Guantanamo Bay and star of "the Baker incident."
The Sean Baker Orchestra, heavy metal at its finest
Sean Baker, co-creator of Greg the Bunny

Rachael Glassford
Status: Brother's Girlfriend

Real Rachael Glassford:
Presenter on "Mycobacterium Chlorophenolicum and its Ability to Survive in the Presence of Pentachlorophenol"
Fellowship Award Winner (name mispelled)
Trainer of Seeing Eye Dogs (name mispelled)

Imposter Rachael Glassfords:
Apparently, there's a Rachel Glassford that plays volleyball in Salt Lake City, but none of the links would work. can vote now...and place your bids to be a part of "People I've Googled, Volume 2."

Monday, July 23, 2007

Blogs I Refuse to Write

I'm convinced my life is not nearly as blog-worthy as it used to be. I don't know why this is. So, in an effort to convince myself I'm not dead, here is a list of blogs I would write if I wasn't convinced they would bore the snot out of you:

  1. Epic Choices--rent tonight's movie from Safeway or Blockbuster.
  2. Internal justifications for eating takeout for the fifth time this week.
  3. Interesting creases on my bedroom wall that I only notice during extended phone conversations.
  4. Playing with your roommate's dog in five minutes a day or less.
  5. A night's work: transferring the dirty clothes from the bedroom to the laundry room.
  6. Reorganizing the dirty dishes strewn across the counter into a neat stack in the sink.
  7. Another night's work: separating the loads of dirty clothes and leaving them in piles on the floor.
  8. Friends I've Googled.
  9. Another night's work. Moving one load of laundry into the washer.
  10. Fun times with Orbitz: how to watch your money disappear into thin air...literally.
  11. The Retiree and You: Yoga class at the Riverside Health Club.
  12. Skagit County's best wi-fi spot(s).

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Yet Another Ohio Championship?

Dad just informed me that Ohio is in yet another sports championship this year. This time: ArenaBowl XXI starring the Columbus Destroyers vs. the San Jose SaberCats. This is rather impressive considering the Destroyers had a losing record going into the post-season and won four games on the road. If you've never heard of Arena Football or have never considered its immense value, then you've probably never seen this commercial, in which Bon Jovi and John Elway attempt to lend a much-needed suave/cool/celebrity hype aura to Arena Football:

Anyways, Ohio has the opportunity to lose another Championship game in 2007...let's see if we can continue our streak of shut outs...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A Brief Jaunt

I'd like to give a shout out to Chris and Janelle, who paused in Washington for about thirty seconds on the morning of June 26. The context? During a 4-hour Hawaii to Denver layover, I took Janelle and Chris (good friends from Taylor) on a mini Tour o' Seattle. These are the photojournalistic highlights of the world's briefest tourist stop to Washington the State:

Chris and Janelle and I start our morning together by visiting Pike Place Market at 7 am on a Tuesday. It's not exactly a hot spot that time of day, but if you can only have time to make one stop in Seattle, it's a great one.

Please imagine Janelle running through the Seattle streets in the wee hours of the morning crying out, "It's a port-a-potty! It's a port-a-potty!" While Chris and I are saying, "What is the big deal?" Janelle points us upwards...and we see a dangling port-a-potty several stories above our heads, glistening above the skyline in the morning Seattle picturesque!

On a normal afternoon at Pike Place Market, there are thousands of people milling around on the you see them? No! Are we crazy to be there at 7am? Yes!

Chris and Janelle say, "Oh Heather! Thank you for making our dream of someday spending thirty seconds in Seattle a reality! Thank you for taking us to breakfast at the restaurant where Rob Reiner and Tom Hanks talk about tiramisu in Sleepless in Seattle!"

I say, "You're very welcome friends! This was merely a teaser to entice you to return very very soon!"

Before Chris and Janelle go back to the airport, we pay homage to the world's first's pretty much like the regular Starbucks, only with boobs.

And I specially arranged for Mt. Rainier to bid them a fond adieu as we headed back to the airport! How nice of me!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Always Look On the Bright Side

So I've definitely been a little down lately.

One reason? This the first summer since I've lived in Washington that I haven't done extensive whitewater rafting. Specifically, I have done any extended trips... These trips have been one of my favorite things about being in Washington, and I haven't really done any this season. (Read about the Owyhee here: 2004, 2005, 2006. Read about the Deschutes here: 2006.)

I guess these trips have always taken up a good amount of space in my summer, but in having my roommate and Clay out-of-touch so often the last month, the space has become very noticeable.

Renee challenged me the other day to soak up summer. Without the river trips, I'm confused as to how to go about really soaking up the summer.'s some attempts I'm making:

  1. A one-day conference at Regent College in Vancouver, BC: The Truth of Beauty & The Beauty of Truth, featuring Luci Shaw.

  2. Finishing my application to Gonzaga University's Masters of Communications and Leadership Studies.

  3. Checking off creation of the 50 Best Cheesecakes in the World.

  4. Giving a plug to Blood:Water Mission.

  5. Creating a countdown clock to estimate the number of days left until Clay lives in Washington:

  6. Planning a self-driving trip to Ireland for Summer 2008.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Existential Week!

It's existential week here in hmb-land. This morning I woke up in bed, panicked because I'm subsisting on the American status quo. I have a down comforter, a nice house to live in, an array of strip malls within driving distance, a fossil fuel-mobile, and 50-60 more years of life to figure out how to fill.

Life is this really unique blend of good and stressful right now. Clay is moving to Washington in about 61 days (he'll arrive approximately September 8th, job and residence are pending). I'm applying to an online graduate program. I'm editing an essay I wrote for an anthology about girls growing up in the church. I made a cheesecake.

But as Clay and I look at our lives together in Washington over the next few years, I'm tormented with complete Wanderlust...wanting to get out and go and have excitement and adventure. It's odd when the place of adventure (Washington) becomes the normal...and for this moment, at 12:17pm on Monday morning, I just want to get out and be on a beach in Fiji or snorkeling in Australia or on a peak in the Himalayas...and I want to know more about what I'm passionate about. I want to know how to fill my weekends in a way that doesn't involve hitting play on the DVD player so much.

This weekend I made a cheesecake...and some seafood linguine...and a chicken dijon panini...maybe I'll explore my love for cooking this week--create some dishes that would appeal to the well-traveled...and maybe my existential crisis will subsist for the time being.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Re: Transformers Rock My World

I'm sorry to disappoint. The Optimus Prime & HMB Photo (Circa 1985) is lost in a box in the remodel. It will be made available as soon as it becomes available.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Transformers Rocks My World

When they take pieces of your childhood and make them completely wicked amazing, what is there to do in order to share the joy?

Step One: spend Independence Day waiting in line with Drew and Clay to see it on opening day.

Step Two: Love every minute of it.

Step Three: After the movie, melt in the 116 degree Phoenix Sun in the movie theater parking lot. (Okay. That's not necessarily necessary...unless you want to see the movie with Drew and Clay, which thereby makes it necessary.)

Step Four: Write a blog about it, including a youtube video with the new Mutemath cover of the theme song. (Thanks Isaac!)

Step Five: Ask mom or dad to email the photo of me and Optimus Prime from Christmas 1985 so I can post it on the blog and say, "I knew him from way back when." (The picture is in an album on the bottom shelf in my bedroom in Ohio...or at used to be before the remodelers took over the house.)