An Open Letter to the Flies in Our Office

Dear flies in our office,

Where do you come from, and why do you torment us here?

This morning, I was sitting across a table from my boss, and one of you distracted me by wriggling around on the table on your back. I said, "There's a dying fly on the table." My boss said, "Gross," and flicked you off the table with a pen. Then we both looked up at the nearby window where seven of you were vying for first dibs on making a prison break.

We just want you to know, you are not welcome here. You distract us with your endless cries for help. We are glad you want to leave our office, but why must you be so loud and buzzy in your pursuit of freedom? Just get out of here. Wriggle under the door, crawl through a vent, but QUIT banging against my window. Also--tell all your brothers in the attic that if they don't stop making their way from outside to inside, more and more lives will be lost. I've killed at least 25 of you just this week. There will be more deaths until this torment ceases.

This is not your space. You are not invited. Please flee.

Signed,

hbu

President of the Task Force to Eliminate Pest Infestations from Her Office