Wholehearted.

The Lord has really gotten ahold of me the last week or so. It's rather crazy to think about, actually...like the eyes of my heart have just been reopened, and I didn't even know they were closed in the first place. Like--I've been doing what I've been supposed to be doing, I've been 'obedient', I've been 'intentional', yet I wake up one morning and feel like my spirit has been asleep, and I don't even recall the last time it was awake.

On Friday evening, I was at the laundromat, sitting on a big laundry table waiting for my dryer load to finish, reading John Eldredge's Waking the Dead. I read the book two years ago, and it helped me really rejuvinate and refocus my life, and I realized this week that my heart was in need of some repair work, so I picked it back up.

Wihin a few pages, the Lord revealed to me that my heart had it had been scarred over the past few months, and that I had yet to ask for healing. So I invited in the Lord's healing power, and was immediately overwhelmed with intense peace and joy, so powerful that I practically burst into tears on the Laundromat table.

Within a few minutes, the phone rang--it was one of my best-good-friends, Hannah, who is recently engaged and has recently returned from India--and I was so excited to talk with her. In the midst of that conversation, a call rang in from another best-good-friend Suzanne, who was calling to tell me that she had just been proposed to a few hours before.

And my heart was joy-filled, and I was so excited to share in their excitements and anticipations that my heart was nearly bursting.

At the same time my heart was being healed, I was also meditating on what my weekend would look like. The theme for Reachout's summer (Reachout Expeditions being the Adventure Ministry Branch of YD, whom I will be guiding for this summer). The theme for the summer is--ironically--"Wholehearted." I was not feeling "Wholehearted" about going to training this weekend. The last weekend of training was hard, cold, frustrating, humbling, and a bazillion other difficult and not-good emotions. I didn't want to go--or I at least wanted to go "half-hearted." But no--the Lord said--I have healed your heart, and you will go Wholehearted.

( Jaws on the Sauk)

After two good runs on the Skagit on Saturday, n Sunday--we tackled a much bigger river--The Sauk. It was not the intention that we would learn to guide on the Sauk, but that we would learn more about how to read the river and respond quickly to situations in faster-moving water.

I was intimidated, especially when within ten minutes of putting-in on the river, one of the boats (being guided by our Rafting Coordinator) was wrapped around a tree with a Senior Guide straddling the tree, suspended a few feet above the river. But--the time that I spent navigating through some of the lesser rapids, stranding us on a few rocks, and learning from it all, made the whole process seem so good and exciting (even when I fell out of the boat into the 35 degree moving water).

Near the end of our day, I guided a boat-full of my comrades through "Jaws", a Class III rapid, and my trainers commended me on an amazing job, giving me big Paddle High-5's. I was ready to burst off the boat in glee that I had shown progress and big successes, until I was immediately humbled by spending the next 10 minutes working us off of the 10 rocks on which the boat got stranded (causing my trainers to retort, "What happened to YOU?!") Aaaaah....I am very much still a student.

So on Monday morning, I feel Wholehearted, I feel Empowered, I feel richly connected and centered on the Lord's will for my life, and I am excited to minister to kids this week.