The Joys/Pains of Chiropractic Care

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The imminent time has arrived: it's time to go back to the chiropractor.

There seem to be a lot of opinions out there on chiropractors...I was raised by a mom and a dad and grandparents who always went to the chiropractor...and it seemed to be the thing to do.

Then--somewhere in health class they told us that chiropractors weren't really perceived as medical professionals...which is pretty confusing because they have the title "Dr." And when I was in high school, I had scoliosis, but going to the chiropractor only made things hurt worse most of the time, so I didn't like going. So I stopped going and signed off on chiropractic care (circa 1996).

Then, circa 2004, I was in this car accident and a few months later, I got really severe pain in my back, and I cried out, "Chiropractor, save me!" And he did. He pointed at an x-ray of my head and compared it to levitating a bowling bowl on a toothpick. (And I was like, man...4 years of school, and they couldn't teach you a more applicable metaphor?) But after 3x a week for like, a long time, and I got waaaaay better, and I was like, "Chiropractors are amazing!" Until my claim ended and they started charging me $50 per appointment, and I was like, "for $200 a month I could fly to Vegas and visit my favorite man-made things." (n.b. not that I WOULD do this, only to say I could party in Vegas or go to the chiropractor...not a hard choice.) I was like, "Chiropractic care is dumb again."

Until now. I spent most of yesterday lying on a couch, popping ibuprofen and rubbing my neck because two years post-chiropractor, it hurts really bad again. I lost range of motion, and my arms and legs started losing feeling. So...I know I need to go back and get continuing care on my neck.

This is annoying, because health insurance considers chiropractic care to fall under the deductible, and I want to go, "Stupid health care! I can't nod my head! I give you hundreds of dollars every month! Pay for something!"

So why do I pay hundreds of dollars for the just-in-case I get my arm mangled in a freak landscaping accident but not in case my chronic neck pain reemerges? How can health insurance compartmentalize my body like that?

And it's annoying because every time I move, I have to find new doctors...which requires waiting lots of days to get an appointment. And lots of small talk get-to-know-you doctor chatter.

But--there is the hidden bonus of going to the chiropractor: referrals to the massage therapist! Yes! Somehow this makes the whole thing worth it!

Anyways, on Wednesday morning, I'm headed to the chiropractor, when they'll tell me my neck is screwed up and I need a bazillion dollars in care, and I'll say, "Yes please." Mostly so I can feel my arms again.

This is all.

I'm forsaking all fortune cookies

This was my fortune today: "You constantly struggle for self-improvement...and it shows."

Last week, my fortune said, "In love, you are practical and keep your feet firmly planted on the ground."

Where are all the good fortunes, huh? Ones that say, "A man in an armadillo costume will walk through your office door and hand you a golden pinata filled with Mint Milanos." or "Your boyfriend will be gifted Southwest Airlines' lifetime achievement award and receive free air miles for eternity." or "Unbeknownst to even yourself, you are a world class snowboarder and need only click your heels three times to become the professional snowboarder you are destined to be."

Seriously. I should get a job writing fortunes. Where do you sign up to do that?

Props to "The Man."

So, I am very resistant to "The Man." You know this, yes?

When I say, "The Man," I specifically mean, "Any corporate conglomerate that I'm convinced is ruining America via mass-produced consumer goods and the exploitation of capitalism." My beef with big chains is rooted in how they destroy the local guy who lives and works in the community and can't compete with the pricing...and then as a result, how it homogonizes society and lessens overall quality. At the top of my list is the obvious Wal-Mart, followed by Costco, and Target. IKEA's on the list too, even though they're Swedish...mostly because of the store's non-user-friendly store layout. You can rest-assured that this line of thought started because of my heritage as the daughter of small-town independent grocers, but as I've developed as an adult, it's developed as one of my personal life principles.

To live my resistance, I have not stepped foot in a Wal-Mart in over two years...I have only been in Costco twice in my entire life (and spent $0)...and I make fun of IKEA a lot...

It's a good principle, but I haven't come to the point where I can avoid all chains... I love Gap jeans...and I spend a lot of time at Starbucks. I have not come to the point where I'm willing to sacrifice the jeans I love and the writing atmosphere I love for my principles...

And in the midst of it, how can I reconcile the fact that Starbucks has fantastic customer service? How can I reconcile that as I was pulling up to the drive-thru today to pick up my previously ordered "Berryblossom White Tea," I discovered I was wallet-less. When I told the cashier, she sweetly responded, "Today's drink is on us." My jaw hit the car door.

Sometimes I get mad at The Gap and Starbucks, thinking, "How dare you give me exactly what I want!" Today was one of those days. I was thankful for some fantastic customer service...and yet I'm kind of frustrated that Starbucks is a chain that's doing a lot of things right. It doesn't take away from the fact I get frustrated that they're not 100% Organic, Shade-Grown, Free-Trade... but they have fantastic customer service--a kind of customer service that's dying with the local hardware store...

So if I were to write a letter today, here's how it would go:

Dear "The Man,"

I get mad at you a lot. I want you to know this. You really, really frustrate me...and you're actually an insensitive jerk most of the time.

But today, I'm really you treated me really well. I really appreciate you making me feel like I wasn't a moron for leaving my wallet in my other jacket pocket and depriving me of your amazing BerryBlossom White Tea. I'm so impressed!

It doesn't mean that I'm okay with the fact that you are no Cafe Ladro, using 100% Fair Trade, Shade-Grown, Organic Coffee... In fact, I really think that if you're going to use your Spiderman-like "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility," you should really pursue this.

However, your customer service today (and 99% of days) is fantastic, which is definitely significant...and I want you to know that in the midst of all the angsty letters you may get from crazy Seattle liberals, you're doing something right.

Love,
A Happy Customer

P.S. Did "The Man" just sway me to his side for $1.89? I'm afraid that might be true...oh, how I'm so easily deceived...

Disneyland!

I can see Disneyland from the hotel window...

...this freaks me out a bit, because you can't see Disney World from hotel windows.

The convention starts in 90 minutes. Things are ready-set-go.

I'm excited...

...pray for us!