Under Pressure.

I feel like I've been fending off the same stress headache for about three weeks, and I am sick of it. Lots of little life stresses that don't mean a whole lot independent of each other have been pieced together with a few rather significant ones...and then throw in that in the month of July, I will have spent 20 out of 31 days sleeping in beds that are not mine...and it makes me feel like I've had my head in a vice, with the crank turning ever so very slowly.

There are exciting things, there are frustrating things, but in the midst of it all, I wake up and realize that I'm not really talking to God about it. I talk to Suz and Renee. I talk to Mom and Dad. I talk to Heidi. I talk to Sarah. I talk to Adam and Greg. I get up and read short passages in my Bible every morning, and when I talk with my friends, they help me to pray...but I have been exhausted, and that extra 45 minutes in the morning in which I normally communicate with God has gotten wedged out.

Does it often happen that you look at your life and all its petty stresses, in which you are so entrenched, and you look around to ask yourself, "Where is God in all of this?" only to realize that you forgot to call him and invite him over to dinner.

I am not an extrovert, and yet I'm currently living the life of an extrovert...and that means that God and I seem to lose touch.

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On Friday, I will begin ten straight days of around-the-clock Youth Ministry when we begin our Owyhee River Inflatable Kayaking Trip. I am excited about it, because there are three girls coming that I do not know well...and I know that we will be good friends by the trip's end. I am excited that I get to serve alongside some of my favorite people and best friends in the entire world--Bronco, Greg, Adam and Heidi. I am excited to see 50 miles of Whitewater, which will seem brand-new to my river-wisened eyes. I am excited to teach kids about Jesus, and to teach them about the river...and to tell them how much I love them both, and why I serve the Lord in this way.

And I'm still stressed and nervous, with all of my petty life stuff, and I'm stressed about there not being time for me and God, while at the same time, there not being a need to do anything BUT spend time with God before we go.

So I am under pressure, but the mounting pressure is not so much that life has me down--but that when life has me down, it means that maybe my priorities are out of whack. I will quote from my friend Adria today, "Forget what you think you are 'supposed to know' and start talking to Jesus about what he wants you to know."

The Owyhee River in Oregon--where I am headed with eleven kids on Saturday.